"The Bald Man and the Sea"
Writer: James W. Bates
Artist: John Costanza(p), Phyllis Novin(i), Art Villanueva(c)
Publisher: Bongo
I've been reviewing for a while. Ten plus years at a guess. I've watched writers make the same mistakes over and over again. Here's some free advice. Don't make you're hero the villain. Don't turn your characters into jokes, and don't tack on a pointless, nihilistic ending to what has been up to that point an upbeat story. I never thought I would see that last piece of advice needed for a writer of Simpsons Comics, but today I give it.
Bates does such a fantastic job for the most part. He takes Homer and Bart on a deep sea fishing trip with Milhouse and his dad Kirk. The Sea Captain, who adds salt by peppering the tale with comical and characteristic asides, runs the boat.
Surprisingly, Bates isn't just interested in tickling the reader's funny bone, though he succeeds in doing that. He lends the story real emotional depth by bringing Bart and Homer closer, perhaps drawing upon their reborn friendship in the movie. He also actually makes Kirk Van Houten a likeable character through his attempt to reconnect with his son. Bates even creates an exciting conflict between the elements of land and sea.
After Bates establishes and generates all that rich goodness, he deflates every joke. He makes the newly forged bonds between the characters irrelevant. He usurps the underlying themes with a miserable ending that comes out of nowhere and leaves a sour taste.
The ending to this issue of Simpsons Comics is infuriating, unfunny and unnecessary. I am sorely tempted to use the critic's/reviewer's ultimate weapon. In deference to the rest of the story, and the hard work that Costanza, Novin and Villanueva did to make the book visually arresting, I will not divulge the ending. Instead, I will suggest that the reader before perusing the book take a piece of scrap paper, cover the last page, and use a box cutter, an artist's scalpel or a simple razor blade to cut it out. If you're a kid, go ask your parents to do it. If they balk at defacing a comic book, let them read it first. They'll understand after the ending hits them like a wet flounder. Next crumple up that last page and toss it in the garbage can, where it belongs. If not for the ending, this could have been a five-bullet issue.
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