"Almost A Good Idea"
Writer: Keith Giffin & J.M. DeMatteis
Artists: Kevin Maguire, Chris Sotomayor(c), Dave Sharpe (letters)
Publisher: Marvel
Written like a bad movie that was ready-made to be a subject for Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Defenders will make you bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha until you're blue in the face. The difference between The Defenders and a Satellite of Love experiment is that the badness in The Defenders is meant to be funny. There's nothing unwitting about it. Giffin and DeMatteis plan the cheesiness.
The story begins right where we left off. That in itself nowadays is a rarity. Hulk attempts to-- dare I say it--smash an invisible barrier meant to keep the Faceless Ones out of Dormmamu's kingdom. The barrier also acts as an arena for Namor to treat the classic flame-headed big bad's new minions the way a child treats a piņata.
Atrocious but characteristic dialogue abounds from the--er--heroes and the villains. Only the plot makes sense, but it exists solely to serve as a means for the characters to interact. If you tried to write a serious story with this type of plot it would come off as nostalgic. The spin comes from the dialogue and hilarious body language and expression bestowed upon the characters by Kevin Maguire.
The ending adds punch to the tale, and the reader will rightly think Dormammu and Umar have bitten off more than they can possibly chew. Though Umar has her own agenda. Dormammu comes off as naive as Linus does when compared to his sister Lucy.
If so funny, if so artistically pleasing, why the lack of a perfect score? Editorial interference. Umar The Depraved was clearly naked in the original pencils. She now sports a badly drawn black string bikini. It's not that you could see anything in Kevin Maguire's original pencils. The bath water hid most of her form's naughty bits save for possibly the cleave of the buttocks, and she also pulls a hands-on-boobs move, but none of this makes sense if she's wearing a bikini. How many people take baths in bikinis? Why does a woman cover her breasts when they're already covered? Truly this is one of the most egregious attempts to downgrade the rating of a book I've seen. Given Umar's characterization, this censorship is especially damaging. The woman's as horny as a crash of rhinos, and in the story, she collects the Hulk as her intended sex toy.
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