Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Michael Gaydos
Publisher: Marvel MAX
Of all the Bendis stuff, however, this is the one you should definitely be reading, as long as your parents will let you. Because, you know, there's sex and stuff all over the place. Do I have to go through all this again? No. If you need my previous reviews, e-mail me. I'll send them.
This is Jessica, staying at Scott's house after a bizarre break-in at her own. It's late at night, she can't sleep, so she's left Scott in bed. She's trying to do a search on the internet, but it's not bearing fruit. She has a mobile in her hand:
(Quartermain.)
"Don't do it."
(He's going to be an asshole about it.)
RINGRING BOOP CLICKCLICKCLICK
<"Jackpot records?">
"Jackpot wh -- ? Uh, -- Is Agent Quartermain there?"
<"Our hours are noon till ten every day but Tuesday. Please leave a message after the beep.">
"I dialed right, right?"
CLICKCLICKCLICK BEEP
"Damn it..."
BEEDOOBEEE BEDOOBEDO
"Shit, hello?"
<"Jessica?">
"Clay? What the fuck?"
<"What?">
"A record store?"
<"We do things the way we do things. Are you at Scott Lang's house?">
"How do you --"
<"We do things the way we do things.">
"Off my cell phone you can tell that?"
<"You'd be surprised what we could do off your cell phone now. Are you shtupping Ant-Man?">
"Shut up!"
<"Did you call me at four in the morning to tell me you're shtupping --">
"No, God! What's wrong with you? Why're you being such a prick?"
<"Well, you only call me when you need something, but, usually, at least you wait till midday to --">
"God, sorry I called."
<"What do you need?">
"For you not to be an asshole! I called because something really fucking weird happened."
<"What?">
"I came home from shopping and there was this teenager in my house -- this girl in a Spider-Man costume."
<"I'll call you back.">
"I --"
BEEDOOBEE BEDOOOBEDOO
"Hello?"
<"Her name's Mattie Franklin.">
"Why the fuck did you hang up on me?"
<"That was a secure line.">
"Jesus."
<"Mattie Franklin -- she did a short run as Spider-Woman.">
"Spider-Woman... oh, I -- I ran Spider-Girl."
<"Spider-Woman. The third one -- for those counting at home.">
"Why the fuck was she in my house?"
<"How should I know? Check your e-mail. I am sending you the two files I have on her. Nothing much. Check now because the e-mail won't be there in forty-four minutes.">
"Where will it be?"
<"Sorry I gave you crap before. I just --">
"It's okay."
<"I mean, Ant-Man?">
"He's -- for your information -- he's a nice guy."
<"He's been in prison.">
"I know all about it. If I promise to call you when I don't need something will you stop giving me this shit?"
<"Okay, but you won't.">
"Thanks for your help, Clay, seriously."
<"Okay.">
CLICK
"Fucking S.H.I.E.L.D.! Fucking secret agents! Fucking Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate! Fuckers!"
BEEDOOBEE BEDOOBEDOO
"Hello?"
<"Jessica, we can hear you. Don't do that.">
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