Punching Bags

By Markisan Naso

Weapon of War

Weapon X writer Frank Tieri is about ready to throw down with Marvel’s solicitation writer, who included the inaccurate tagline, “THE HIT LIMITED SERIES CONTINUES!” in the April preview for Weapon X #22. In a message sent to Comix-Fan, Tieri clarified the book’s status and initiated a counter-strike against the unknown and nefarious solicitationist:

    Ok, I think it’s clear by now that whoever it is who’s writing Marvel’s solicits is trying to destroy me. First of all, this mysterious Writer of Marvel Solicits (or WOMS, if you prefer) has already blown two Weapon X secrets on two different occasions—one that Chamber was the X-Man 'defecting' and the second that he was in reality a mole. Now comes his/her/it’s latest sneak attack, this incredulous 'the hit limited series continues!' quote for WX #22. He/her/it actually got most of it right as we ARE a series, we ARE a hit and we WILL continue. But it’s within the 'limited' part that the WOMS in his evil genius sought to do his damage—and he would have gotten away with it too, if not for those 'damn meddling kids', (a.k.a the ever-faithful and cooler-than-you Weapon X fans).


    Ever since your cowardly attack, WOMS, I have been flooded with emails and posts from vigilant Weapon X fans concerned that Weapon X was in some kind of danger. So I’m here not only to ensure them that all is well—but to also tell you in no uncertain terms this, you bastard… you won’t win. You want a piece of kid FT, punk? As the great Phil Hartman while imitating the great Frank Sinatra once said, 'I got chunks of guys like you in my stool.' So keep trying to ruin my surprises and mislabeling my book all you want, you cold-hearted monster… it won’t work.

    In fact, I’m going to beat you to the punch for once. You see, a little known fact is that a certain Frank Tieri actually wrote Marvel’s solicits once upon a time when he was but a lowly, snot nosed intern.

    In other words, feel the wraith of my solict-writin’ kung-fu with Weapon X solicits done MY way, you insignificant little cretin:

    WEAPON X # 18— 'Defection' reaches it’s stunning conclusion as Chamber has to reach a very difficult decision – will he or won’t he kill John Sublime? And speaking of Sublime… what connection—if any-- does he have to the Weapon x Program? And how exactly will this all lead us into 'Reload'? Plus: What you’ve all been waiting for… Chamber vs Wolverine! Guest starring the X-Men!

    WEAPON X #19-21 —What happened to Cable’s Underground… and what does that have to do with the new Gene Nation and Marrow? That’s what former Underground member Maverick wants to know—but will he end up bringing down the mutant terrorist group—or join them instead? Whatever his decision, he’s better make it soon—especially since Agent Zero’s on all their tails with orders to kill! Plus: What you’ve all been waiting for part II… Agent Zero’s identity finally revealed!

    Meanwhile, Chamber and Wolverine seek to uncover the mysteries behind the Weapon X Program… but to do so they must find the 'Paths'! What secrets do the 'Paths' hold—and will it all lead them to the Program’s greatest secret of all… the mutant Death camp known as Neverland? Featuring the most shocking ending of all as the events of 'Countdown to Zero' lead us to Reload!

    WEAPON X #22—This special stand alone story entitled 'Meanwhile…' checks in on the Weapon X Program’s favorite fugitives—the Director, Aurora and Madison Jeffries! But what events lead them to the site of the original Weapon X Program… and a confrontation with the one mutant the Director fears most in the world—Wolverine! And, like everything else FT has shilled today—how will this issue lead us into Reload?

    WEAPON X #23—RELOAD IS HERE!!!! The greatest thing to happen to the X-books ever—just ask Marvel if you don't believe me! But FT can't talk about it under penalty of death! Sorry, FT likes living!

    So that’s it, WOMS—the next move is yours. I’ll be waiting.
Um.. doesn’t anybody in Editorial look this stuff over before it goes to print? Sure this isn’t as big a fuck up as bitchslapping Mark Waid off Fantastic Four or the giving the Epic line the ginsu, but geronimo man, what kind of ass clown gets solicitation copy wrong three times on one book?

I can understand a mistake now and again. I’ve made them. That stuff happens. But this is ridiculous. The editors on each book should be going over monthly solicitations to ensure that WOMS has accurately portrayed upcoming events and storylines. Marvel has certainly learned how to keep information ass tight on projects like RELOAD. So, how is it that the House of Ideas is unable to retain anus on something as simple as a solicitation?

This Has A “K-Y Jelly” Factor of Nine Out of Ten

Moor Than Rumor

A couple of weeks ago I ran a rumor about fantasy novelist Michael Moorcock doing a Tom Strong project. Well, someone asked him about this on his website message board. Moorcock replied, “I just got the green light on Tom Strong and the Black Blade of the Barbary Coast... Tom amongst the pirates... I think it will probably go over a couple of issues."

This Has A “Dread Pirate Tom” Factor of Eight Out of Ten

Wanted

Over on Millarworld Wanted scribe Mark Millar told fans he’s been offered the opportunity to pen a script for “a big-name superhero movie.” The popular writer says the film features “an established character you all know and love.”

When pressed for more details, Millar revealed that the script will be written from scratch. “That said, I fully expect it to be rewritten ten times by five other guys, but it's a very exciting time in my little yellow room right now.”

Mark also entertained inquiries on the identity of the character. “Let's just say bullets don't really give him any grief and that's the one and only bloody clue I'm giving or someone will doubtless jet over here and snip off my beloved scrotum.”

Mark says we have all read books featuring the hero in question, but he isn’t necessarily a Marvel character. “Then again, he might be,” Millar teased. “All I'll say is that he's at one of the big two and has a very, very strong fan following.”

Millar adds that he was given the gig based on the strength of WANTED #2. Apparently whoever offered Mark the job read the issue and contacted him soon after.

Who knew using the phrase “Fuck you!” over and over was the secret to getting noticed by Hollywood...

This Has A “Hollywood Playa” Factor of Ten Out of Ten

Viciousness

Four weeks ago I featured some Authority test images by the art studio Grafiksismik. They didn’t get the gig, but they’ve since moved on to other projects. Inker Pierre-Andre Dery tells me the studio is illustrating a new miniseries for Harris Comics titled Vampi: Vicious Circle, written by Hawaiian Dick creator B. Clay Moore. I’m told the story revolves around Vampi attempting to rescue an underground society of former corporate employees who are being slaughtered by toxic monsters.

The book will feature Dub on pencils, Dery on inks and Joelle on colors. It will be out this April.

Here are some preliminary images for the series..



This Has A “The Toxicity of My City” Factor of Seven Out of Ten

Break In the Storm

Sadly, writer Micah Wright has announced the departure of his Stormwatch: Team Achilles artist CP Smith. CP’s exit will make way for new regular penciller Clement Suave (Human Defense Corps). Some of you may remember Clement’s work from Brandon Thomas’s Cross feature that ran in Rage a while back. If not you can see the first five pages of Clement’s Cross work here. I’m told the strength of those pages contributed to Suave’s present work at Wildstorm. Oh, how powerful the Rage has become under my meaty fist.

While I deflate my head, here’s what Micah told fans on his delphi forum:
    The cat's out of the bag with April's solicitations, so there's no reason to hide things any longer... CP Smith got a great offer from Marvel and he's off to do a book over there (and no, I won't tell you what). CP's been great on StormWatch and I'm extremely sad to see him go.

    One good side-effect of his leaving, though, is that soon EVERYONE will be saying "Oh, check out this new artist, he's totally great!" The simple truth is that the average Marvel book sells 5x what StormWatch sells and CP will be raising his profile by leaps and bounds.

    Hopefully some of those Marvel Zombies will then come buy the third StormWatch: Team Achilles trade paperback to see some of CP's earlier work. Especially if I get the cover artist on the book that I'm pushing for. Hoo-Daddy, especially.

    CP and I have plans to work together in the future, both at WildStorm and elsewhere (ooh, look at those tantalizing hints), so have no fear all of you CP/Micah Team Achilles fans... you'll be seeing the team-up again.

    As for who replaces CP, well, it's the tremendously talented Clement Suave. A few of you will remember a book which came out from DC last year called Human Defense Corps. That was Clement. He'll be taking over art chores on StormWatch beginning with #21 and he's going to be doing a fine job.
This Has A “Smooth Transition” Factor of Eight Out of Ten

Punch Drunk Love

Former Rolling with the Punches columnist J Hues is coming back to SBC and he’s debuting a new comic strip entitled, appropriately enough, Rolling with the Punches v2. Some of you may remember Hues’ fantastic three column work on Rage as well. No? Well, just read these preview strips then.





Look for the daily Rolling with the Punches comic strip on SBC soon.

This Has A “Pugilistic Tendencies” Factor of Seven Out of Ten

A Firestorm to Purify

New Firestorm writer Dan Jolley is taking a pounding at the DC message boards after this month’s Wizard magazine ran an article about the upcoming series. Fanboys are freaking out over the new direction of the book, which passes the Firestorm mantle to new character Jason Rusch, a 17-year-old kid who has trouble harnessing his newfound powers. For longtime readers, the toughest pill to swallow is the loss of original Firestorm, Ronnie Raymond. But they’re also pissed that the firestorm matrix has changed, giving Rusch the ability to merge with anyone he chooses in order to become the Firestorm. Hell, they’re upset that the new costume won’t sport puffy sleeves. Yeah, that’s right, people are mad because ChrisCross won't be drawing Firestorm like a flaming musketeer.

With tensions rising, people are comparing the backlash to the reaction old-school fans had to Kyle Rayner replacing Hal Jordan as Green Lantern. In fact the board even has a thread asking people to boycott the new Firestorm book.

In an effort to pacify the rising tide of negativity, Jolley posted this message:
    I'm writing to you from my hotel room in Florida, where I'm currently taking the first real vacation of my entire adult life. I've been working my @$$ off, on from three to five projects for about the last eighteen months straight, and I finally found some time to get away and relax a little. And I'm still working, even while I'm here, but only on one project instead of five. So that's where I've been.

    Folks, it's very very clear to me that you all seem to have made up your minds. At this point, I'm not really going to try to convince you of something that you're obviously dead-set on believing. But I will say a couple of words.

    First, a number of things -- including just where Ronnie is and what's going on with him -- weren't mentioned in the article because to do so would give away some story points that neither DC nor I want to reveal. Things will be made clear in time, as the first year of the story unfolds.

    Second, it was announced a while ago that Jason Rusch would be the title character in this book. I never said he wasn't. No one ever said he wasn't. I don't know what you want me to say about that.

    Third, I'm seeing a tremendous amount of negativity on the board here -- and there's really nothing I can do about that, either, except to say, if you read the story, things will be made clear. If you read the story, you'll understand what we're going for.

    I *do* understand that you all love and cherish the character of Ronnie Raymond; changing the status quo of the book doesn't mean I don't get that.

    What it does mean -- and I've said this before, I think -- is that, if this book turns out to be something that you absolutely do not like, and you don't want to support it, I understand. I'll be regretful that we couldn't give you a story to enjoy and escape into, but I'll understand.

    All I can do is what I've been doing: working very closely with DC to produce the absolute best comic book I'm able to.

    I believe the new Firestorm will be excellent. Once you read it, you might agree with me. Or you might not. I would ask that you reserve judgment until you HAVE read it, but you certainly don't have to, obviously.

    And that's all I have to say. Now I'm going to get sleep -- I'm going to Universal Studios tomorrow. Talk to you later.
I have to tell you I have trouble understanding why DC posters have reacted so negatively to news about the new Firestorm series. Especially since Dan’s been nothing but a friend to the people on the board. And I sure as hell don’t get why a handful of punks feel the need to boycott an unreleased title just so they can keep their hard-ons for puffy shirts.

I don’t care if Ronnie was responsible for your first erection. It’s not fair to judge something before you’ve seen it.

And shit, Dan’s Firestorm sounds hot to me. I’ll be picking it up.

This Has A “Stay Puffed” Factor of Nine Out of Ten

Out,
Markisan

PS If anyone has any rumors, stories or news to share email me at markisan@silverbulletcomicbooks.com or IM me via AOL Instant Messenger. My screen name is Automatic San. Thanks to everyone who has been sending stuff in. It’s greatly appreciated.