In Which We Examine Fandom At Large

By By J Hues

“Knowing how many inches wide Robin’s waistband is no worse than knowing how many inches wide the new BMW’s back bumper is.”
--me


PRE-MATCH HYPE

Just a quick note in response to the lettercol “Reed Richard Explains It All!” in the Marvel Comics/Marvel Knights title 4 that shipped two weeks ago. You’d think that a scientific genius would be smart enough to know you never reply to those SPAM emails you get to ask them to take you off their lists, even if they tell you to do so. All he’s doing is opening up the Fantastic Four’s mail servers to being bombarded by SPAM. And you know MODOK is behind most of the SPAM in the Marvel Universe. I mean, the guy can’t do much else, what with having to lug around a head the size of Fat Albert’s with Verne Troyer’s body. So he sits around in his little chair pooping and peeing through a tube creating and sending SPAM out. MODOK has a lifetime prescription to all of those penile enhancement drugs, don’t you know.

And he doesn’t share.

You think Nick Fury is going to appreciate the Fantastic Four not getting his urgent email that he needs their help abusing the rights of third-world citizens again because it was between sixteen offers to refinance their mortgage on the Baxter Building and fourteen opportunities to see barely legal teens show it all and Ben’s fat, rocky fingers accidentally captured it for deletion as well? You think the citizens of that third world nation are going to appreciate it? Well, they might, but not Fury.

Reed would lose his reputation as being a genius, his patents would stop selling and the Fantastic Four would be in financial and social ruin. Oh wait, they already did that storyline. Notice how I’m talking about the Fantastic Four shortly before their movie comes out. I’m a corporate shill! Oh the shame! The humility! The backroom payouts!


ROUND 1

Comics fans have changed. No, I don’t mean that they’re different people. I think that all of the existing comic fans have been comic fans for the past twenty years and that there are no new comic fans, but I mean attitudes have changed.

1984
NEWS: It was announced today that there would be a major death in the upcoming DC epic Crisis on Infinite Earths, and furthermore that this crossover will reshape the DC Universe for years to come.

REACTION: Wow, this sounds really cool. I wonder who they’re going to kill? I hope it’s not Green Lantern. I can’t wait for this. I can’t wait to read it. I’ll be sure and pick this up.

2004
NEWS: It was announced today that there will be a major death in the upcoming DC epic Identity Crisis, and furthermore that this crossover will reshape the DC Universe for years to come.

REACTION: This is stupid. How can DC do this to the fans? I think this is the worst thing DC has ever done. Well, they’ve lost my money that’s for sure! I won’t be reading this. This is a bad idea. Someone at DC needs to be fired for this. How can they expect the fans to fork over all this money for another stupid crossover.

1985
NEWS: As fallout from DC’s Crisis on Infinite Earths, expect a new Scarlet Speedster to fill the red tights. While keeping mum on the details, DC did announce that this change is expected to be permanent.

REACTION: Wow! Are you kidding me? No, not Barry! Now I’ve got to see this. Crisis has been pretty cool, so far. I bet it’s Barry that dies! Man, I can’t believe all those universes are dying, I am dying to see how they end this thing. Will there only be one earth when it’s over?

2005
NEWS: As fallout from DC’s Green Lantern: Rebirth, expect the return of Hal Jordan to the emerald tights and to his familiar sector as the one, true Green Lantern. Fans have been clamoring for it and now they’ve got it. DC has indicated that this change is expected to be permanent.

REACTION: No! What about Kyle? Man, I can’t believe how much DC can disrespect their characters. I take this as a personal insult. Why did I invest so much money into Kyle Rayner comics if he’s not going to be Green Lantern anymore. I want my money back! Thank god, they finally got it right! I mean, I was so pissed when they destroyed Hal Jordan.

1959
NEWS: DC announced that they would be introducing a whole new Flash for a whole new Generation. The only thing fans might recognize, says the publishing giant, is the name. We’re hoping to capture the fun and newness of the Golden Age.

REACTION: Wow, that sounds interesting. I loved the Flash comics, I’ll have to check this out. Communists! I remember the Flash! Is that all they said about it; I can’t wait to hear more.

2004
NEWS: Marvel announced today that they’re going to be revamping the entire Avengers lineup following the explosive events of “Avengers Disassembled.” Avengers have died and the team has been disbanded. Expect a new type of team to rise from the ashes.

REACTION: How could Marvel do this to me? This is the most retarded thing I’ve ever read. I won’t be reading this, I can tell you that for sure. It’s all about the money, isn’t it? This is all I needed to know; I’ll never buy another Marvel comic for as long as I live. How does it feel to piss all over thirty plus years of continuity. I guess it doesn’t matter what the fans want. How could you kill off characters and change the Avengers, this is a disgrace to the legacy that Stan Lee created in the Marvel Universe.

1987
NEWS: DC Comics has announced that they will be relaunching The Flash. They’ve announced that they’ll give it at least 18 issues to hopefully find an audience, though they suspect it will be a hit right from the gates.

REACTION: Wow, really! This is awesome! I have always loved The Flash. I can’t wait to get the first issue. This is going to be huge! It’s about time they brought it back!

2004
NEWS: Marvel Comics has announced that they will be relaunching Alpha Flight. They’ve announced that they will determine if it will continue based on sales arc by arc, but are hopeful that it will last beyond the initial six issue storyline.

REACTION: This isn’t going to make it. Why does Marvel keep trying to bring back Alpha Flight but then they do it with new characters? Nobody wants new characters. Yeah, they’ve probably already canceled it. This is going to be so horrible. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, why doesn’t Marvel just bring back the original Alpha Flight? I bet Wolverine will guest star in it.

1986
NEWS: Marvel Comic has announced that they will be canceling their title Power Man and Iron Fist with issue #125.

REACTION: No! This was my favorite comic! I can’t believe this series can’t get the support it needs! This was a great book!

2005
NEWS: Marvel Comics has announced that they will be canceling their title Alpha Flight with issue #12.

REACTION: Thank god! Good! This title was stupid and deserved to be canceled. Now maybe they’ll go back and bring back the REAL Alpha Flight.

1985
Comic fans were excited about new things and sweeping changes. They lined up in huge numbers to watch the end of the DC Universe as it was happening. There was a general sense of enthusiasm and excitement about the universes they loved. The comics industry is healthy and well. Books are given at least a year to two years to find an audience. No one knows what is coming next in their favorite books.

2005
Comic fans are bitter and jaded. They believe all new comics will be canceled within a year (and most are) and reject anything that is either a new character or a new spin on old characters. They condemn new projects before they launch. They believe that comic companies should not be allowed to change anything about the characters they love and grew up on. The comics industry continues to struggle to gain a foothold on any sort of recovery. Books are often canceled within publication of the first four to six issues, and sometimes before the first issue even ships, based on pre-orders. Everyone knows almost everything that will happen next in all comic titles.


ROUND 2

In Round 2, I’d like to take a loving look back at Round 1. See, Round 1 was an experiment of sorts. I wanted to compare and contrast fandom past with fandom present, with the notion that I think fans nowadays are very negative and quick to judge and condemn and are steadfast and stoic and afraid of change. I further feel that this was not so much the case in years past. I might be wrong about that. It might just be because we can get instant feedback on message boards these days and everyone knows our society loves to focus on bad news. Did the experiment work? Not really. But it was ambitious, wasn’t it?


ROUND 3

Continuing on the theme of differences between past and present, Fallen Angel was essentially announced by DC as being canceled with May’s issue #20. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the big promotional push to try and boost sales done after issue #18? They sent out a ton of free copies of the first issue and hyped up the book and the trade collection and put the monthly on hiatus for a bit to gauge feedback. Then they gave it two more issues to get its sales up, I guess. Two issues? Two issues to gauge if word of mouth is good enough to raise sales of this book. What can you learn in two issues? Hell, issue 19 hasn’t even shipped yet, so who knows how the fans will react to it. Publishers are way too trigger happy these days. And why waste all the money promoting something if you’re going to turn around and pull the plug? You don’t think a slow burn and growth is possible? Not willing to wait and see.

Two issues!?

Astounding.


ROUND 4

I’d like to take Round 4 to examine Round 3. Now that wasn’t funny. This whole damned column wasn’t funny. I’d like to chalk this up as an unmitigated disaster and try again next week.

Wonder if I’ll have any readers left by then? Probably not, negative, jaded, pissy bunch that they are.

I need Michael Turner to draw my covers.


K.O.



j/h


disclaimer: the opinions and views expressed in this column are not approved by anyone and have been determined by “big tobacco” to be more hazardous to your health than unfiltered cigarettes. it is in your best interest to report your findings here to the department of homeland security so that mr. hues can be put away for a long, long time. please, it’s for his own good. and the good of the country. and the children. don’t forget the children.

Rolling With The Punches, and all contents herein are ™ and © 2005 j.hues AKA Jason J. Hughes, all rights reserved. Any reproduction or reprinting without the expressed written permission of j.hues is strictly prohibited (and I will sue you!) except for review purposes (but only good reviews!). Now if you want to quote me and drop a link right back here, well then I’ll fall in love with you and spend more days on your living room couch than Ken Jennings did hanging out with Alex Trebeck on Jeopardy.