"Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bitch about it on the Internet." -Simon, from The Book of Simon
Some bios list credentials, such as: Education BFA in Illustration, Massachusetts College of Art Occupation Former Production Slave, Ballantine Books Comics Credits Columnist, Writer, Artist, Editor Etc…
And some bios tell a story, such as: I can remember sitting in front of my television one morning, watching the old Batman show, when Julie Newmar appeared in that skintight black leather outfit as Catwoman. It was my first boy/girl thing. >A year later I was in kindergarten telling Katherine Burke that I loved her. It’s pretty much been a string of stupid mistakes ever since…
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But most bios just sit to the right of the column and are never looked at. So ignore this space and just read the damn column already…
I was all set to do a nice, frivolous column about American television when, whilst watching said television last night, someone mentioned one of my least favorite words; draft. And they weren’t talking about beer. With this being the twelfth anniversary of the start of the last Gulf War, the UN deadline coming up on the twenty-seventh, and the State of the Union (quite possibly a declaration of war) the next evening I thought maybe I should stop making random sarcastic remarks and devote a column to this whole mess. Not that I am anything close to an authority, and I may be mistaken on a few things, but here are my feelings on the situation.
A dozen years ago, when the first war broke out, I remember being fourteen and taking Political Science in high school. The night everything started I got a call from my friend Chris who said, "Hey, we’re at war!" like it was the coolest thing ever. Back then I agreed with him. Maybe it was because I was young and didn’t understand what a real war is like. And even throughout I really didn’t get a good idea of the truth of armed conflict. The first Gulf War has been referred to as a ‘video game war’, which seems like a pretty accurate assessment. But now, in the prime years of my life, ideal draft age, I’m paying a bit more attention to what this whole thing is really like.
I’m not opposed to the military on a fundamental level. Even as a pacifist I realize that not every dispute is settled with diplomacy. A standing army is a necessary evil to protect the life I enjoy. But what I don’t like is seeing that brute force used as a bullying tactic to get the rest of the world behind a warmongering president who has, at best, his head up his ass when it comes to forming a plan for foreign policy. It’s not that I don’t see Saddam as a threat to world safety, because clearly he is. But North Korea is taking the seals off their nuclear containers and stating flat out that they intend to start World War III with the US. Is Saddam more of a tyrant? North Korea keeps millions of people in poverty and has over a hundred thousand people in prison camps. But you don’t see Dubya strong arming into a war with them. And why?
Could it be because you don’t see anyone finding OIL in Korea?
Okay, so let’s ignore North Korea for the moment. Today the inspectors found eleven empty chemical warheads at a munitions facility outside Baghdad. Immediately the Bush administration started the spin and, from the responses I’ve seen so far, a lot of Americans are buying it. What they are conveniently ignoring is that the warheads are over ten years old and they were on the list Iraq submitted at the end of the first war. I’m not saying Iraq is to be trusted on all accounts, but when we have documentation of weapons used a decade ago maybe we should cool our jets a little and not be so quick to start the bombing. The warheads aren’t to be ignored, but they are proof that the inspectors are actually doing their job. Of course, that’s never enough for Bush.
Earlier today the president was at a talk about medical malpractice insurance. Apparently that isn’t an important enough issue because, as soon as the cameras started rolling, he found a way to slip in a threat to Iraq. What does Iraq have to do with medical malpractice insurance? I remember back in the early nineties when George H. was running for re-election and Dana Carvey was at the peak of his impersonation on Saturday Night Live, doing a skit where Bush was campaigning, dropping the Gulf War every other word. Maybe it’s just that our current president doesn’t seem good at anything other than picking fights that he brings every conversation back to what he does best. Or maybe the fact that George 2k’s approval rating just slipped might have a little something to do with it.
A recent poll showed that Bush is down to fifty-eight percent approval, which is the lowest he’s been at since September 11th. Further breaking it down, only a third of those polled said for certain that they would elect him to a second term. Another third said no way and the final third was undecided. I think those numbers are going to continue to shift out of his favor if the economy continues as poorly as is and we end up in a protracted war.
One problem that is finally getting some more discussion is what happens after the inevitable war is over, which is how I heard mention of reinstating the draft. If we somehow manage to oust Saddam, preferably that means killing him, it was all pointless if we pull out and leave Iraq in political turmoil. Warlords and despots will rush in to fill the void, and the winner may end up worse than the guy we started with. However, with so far little backing from the international community, in order for the US to stabilize Iraq we would have to station forty-to-fifty thousand troops there for years at a time. Not only does that mean billions of dollars spent propping up a delicate new government, and the possible necessity of the draft, but it means US citizens being away from home and family for quite a few years. Americas don’t like to see their kids stuck places for too long. An extended occupation means a steady decline of public approval. And if we just go in there to further our oil interests then all the propaganda about us turns out to be true.
Like I said before, I’m not trying to excuse or dismiss the presence of Saddam Hussein. From everything I’ve heard he deserves to have a bullet through his skull. I mean, this is a guy who very regularly is compared to Hitler. Last night I saw an interview with a defector who designed one of Saddam’s torture chambers. It’s a square room with droppers attached to pipes on the ceiling. The droppers release acid in a continuing random pattern, which means the person inside must stay awake or risk having his flesh eaten off his bones. This is a guy who has had members of his own family killed for dissidence and employs men whose actual job title is ‘Rapist’. The entire country lives in fear that they are being monitored, which they are. I realize we’re not talking about a nice guy and that he has to go. But maybe we could do it with the backing of the rest of the world. "Don’t mess with Texas" politics doesn’t work on a global scale anymore.
One thing that really bothers me is the lack of open objection to this war we’ve seen until recently. Dubya capitalized more than anyone on the 9/11 attacks. He made the obvious-to-anyone decision to go into Afghanistan. But now he’s using the resulting approval rating and the momentum of this ‘War on Terrorism’ to fulfill his own agendas, wrapping it all in a nice blanket of old-school Manifest Destiny. And it wasn’t until the last month or so that you heard people disagreeing.
Unfortunately, politicians are always more concerned with protecting their own asses than doing what’s right. And when the president is riding high they aren’t about to risk losing votes by coming out against him. The mainstream news media is pretty much controlled by the government as it is. So if Greta van Susteren wants to continue to get stories her producers best tow the administrations line.
The only people I have heard saying nay about all this war talk are celebrities like Janeane Garofalo and Martin Sheen. Now, sure, it’s great to hear a dissenting word for a change, and I do like Miss Garofalo, but how much do the opinions of actors really matter? And how much does the average American want to hear it from them? Bill Maher was on The View a month or so back, talking about the war. I don’t agree with everything the guy says, but at least he was proving that he walks the walk by driving a hybrid automobile, thus helping to get us off our oil dependency. But any time he tried to make a point there was Star Jones cutting him off to ask him why he isn’t married, because Star Jones is the biggest tool on television. And when Janeane went on the Today Show, urging people to seek alternative news sources to learn the real facts, her patriotism was quickly questioned. Meanwhile, the people at home are trying to figure out if her rant is a new part of her act, wondering why it isn’t funny, then quickly preoccupied trying to remember who she’s dating right now.
The thing is, we shouldn’t be dependent on celebrities to be our voice. True, I was never a political person until it applied to me. I don’t vote because I figure whoever is elected is going to screw me over anyway (besides the fact that I new New York was going to Gore). But now this war is something I think about everyday. And, more importantly, something I talk about whenever I manage to leave my apartment. Hell, I’ve been casually harping about it in this column for months now. Because I think it’s wrong, and the more people out there saying so the better.
I’m not saying we need to go back to the Sixties here. The word ‘protest’ I think still has some old patchouli stink about it. And looking back we know that most of those hippies were trust fund white kids looking to smoke pot, drop acid, and have sex with multiple partners. Nowadays the young people are looking to smoke pot, drop Ecstasy, and videotape themselves having an orgy. Really, how are you supposed to get up the interest to protest when the X is making you feel better than you’ve ever felt in your life? Maybe my generation needs to put down their cup of quintuple-grain soy crunch gingko tea, stop downloading Girls Gone Wild clips off the Internet, and try using their mouths instead of their message boards to communicate.
Finally, one website, MoveOn.org, has started airing an anti-war propaganda commercial in a bunch of cities around the country. The ads pretty much amount to scare tactics, which is exactly what the administration they’re opposed to has been using all along. What they should be doing is using facts, not fear, to get their point across. Or else they’re no better than the sound bite politicians who keep ramming the term ‘smoking gun’ down our throats.
From The Monkey House a/k/a Simon O Canada!
The Random: For anyone who thinks that I’m nothing but another wishy-washy Liberal, let me just say that people who really know me, know how truly Liberal I’m not. For example, I’m opposed to Affirmative Action. I don’t call making it so a poorly educated person can get into a college they’re not prepared for the way to solve the racial divide in this country. I think we need to be less reactive and more proactive, and spend the money bringing inner city schools up to the same level as the other schools. Standing on equal footing early in life is closer to fairness than later manufacturing an opportunity that the person you’re trying to help isn’t capable of capitalizing on.
