"Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bitch about it on the Internet." -Simon, from The Book of Simon
Some bios list credentials, such as: Education BFA in Illustration, Massachusetts College of Art Occupation Former Production Slave, Ballantine Books Comics Credits Columnist, Writer, Artist, Editor Etc…
And some bios tell a story, such as: I can remember sitting in front of my television one morning, watching the old Batman show, when Julie Newmar appeared in that skintight black leather outfit as Catwoman. It was my first boy/girl thing. >A year later I was in kindergarten telling Katherine Burke that I loved her. It’s pretty much been a string of stupid mistakes ever since…
Still other bios state an intent, such as: This is a series of essays illustrating the life of one particular struggling artist as he plods through the world and occasionally bumps into some interesting shit.
But most bios just sit to the right of the column and are never looked at. So ignore this space and just read the damn column already…
Late again with the column. Having a little trouble adjusting to my new lifestyle. I spent the first week sitting on my ass and now that I finally want to get some writing done I have a head cold that is keeping me on my ass. Brian Bendis said once that writing is just thinking and typing. Well, the past two weeks I’ve been doing plenty of thinking. A lot of it has been ideas for my books. But another part has been reflecting on the road that got me here.
You’re Innocent When You Dream Just over two years ago I came to New York to be a comics creator. That summer a wonderfully awful movie named Coyote Ugly had come out. It followed a very American formula of a small town girl leaving everything behind to chase her dreams in the big city. This can also be seen in films like The Secret of My Success, only with Michael J. Fox in the place of water-soaked chicks in leather dancing on bars. Take your pick.
The basic story arc of these kinds of movies is that the main character leaves home with big dreams and comes to New York expecting them to come true right away. For CU the chick wants to be a songwriter, for TSoMS Michael J. is hoping for a career in the business world. Approaching the situation with that endearing bumpkin naivete, they’re dreams are quickly squashed under the uncaring boot heals of the cold, hard city. They are then forced to take a job they don’t want, but is tenuously tangential to their career goal, that sends them off in a direction that will lead to great success. The Coyote girl becomes a bartender who lip syncs and Fox becomes a mailroom guy who pretends to be a recently fired executive. Very quickly they achieve a level of success they never dreamed of while losing sight of their true goals. Along the way they manage to alienate the people who care most about them.
Then something happens and the bottom falls out, bringing them to a lower point than they’ve ever known. They are forced to pull themselves up by the bootstraps, accept some humility, and regain the friendship of those they’ve shat upon. Once this is accomplished opportunity arises and they find themselves rocketing to new heights in their chosen career. Within six months they have gone from fresh-off-the-bus dreamer to achieving everything they’ve ever wanted. Plus they manage to get a love interest along the way.
And did I mention they have to have a shitty apartment in the worst part of Manhattan?
I’ll Ride This Dream To The End Of The Line So I’ve been looking back on my own character arc to see how it relates to this ‘American dream’ formula. Well, to start off, I never had the shitty apartment. Two years and not a single mouse. I see a roach maybe once a month, but that’s way better than a lot of places I’ve visited. Although, I did start out with a roommate who let his cat eat wet food crawling with maggots. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
When I moved here I was making a fresh start. I had already alienated myself from most of my family (my sister excepted). But that all counts as the past that the bumpkin must leave behind, the tragic backstory that is revealed in a touching post-coitus with the love interest somewhere in the second or third act.
Two friends I’d known from high school but hadn’t really been close with since helped me get set up in the city. One provided a roommate for me. And along with that came a girlfriend. My roommate was a playwright who was essentially a boy who had to shave occasionally. At twenty-five he thought it was charming that he couldn’t take care of himself. He could get his writing done but he couldn’t scoop the shit out of his cat’s litter box. In the eleven months that he lived with me the box was cleaned three times (once by me) and never scooped in between. When I came home from San Diego in July of 2001 and found maggots crawling in the food I was on the verge of kicking him out. Then when I found out through my then-girlfriend about some truly slimy things he’d done to women I decided he needed to go. I didn’t even want to be associated with him.
Kicking him out made our mutual friend feel the need to take sides, and he didn’t end up on mine. No big loss. Like I said, we hadn’t been close since we were seventeen. Within six months I got rid of the girlfriend as well, thus alienating everyone who helped me get out here. Along the way, however, I picked up Kahloz and Moby and few others who have ended up instrumental in my ultimate success, not to mention much better friends. So skewing from the formula was a positive move in my case.
During that time I was temping irregularly until I landed the full-time spot at Random House. If I worked three days a week I was lucky. There was no safety net and I was sinking further in debt, living off credit cards as I used my cash to pay the bills. Once I got the RH gig and sold my car things evened out a bit. It was then that I could afford to kick out the piece of shit I was living with.
All the while I wasn’t really being all that productive, creatively speaking. In two years I managed to complete a four-page sample for DC, four short comic stories, and write this column every week. I got it in my head that I wanted to be an editor instead of a creator, which was another reason I wanted in at Random House. My go-nowhere entry level position at Ballantine could be considered the extent of my success in a tangential field.
Last November I hit my lowest point. I’d made the first attempt at breaking up with the girlfriend and proceeded to go a tad wonky. The only way I can describe it is that I became detached from reality. I’m sure part of it was me being overly dramatic, but for a few days I just didn’t feel like I existed in the same world anymore. Yes, it’s a flaky artist thing to say. Don’t think I don’t feel stupid about it. It took the death of George Harrison to snap me out of it.
Of course, snapping out of things doesn’t happen as quickly in real life as it does in the movies. It took me another three months before I finally ditched the girlfriend permanently and things began with Watts. I suppose she could be considered the central love interest in my story because the movies tell us that your life heads in the right direction once you find the one you’re meant to be with. When I was with the previous girlfriend my wheels were spinning and I wasn’t getting anywhere. Once I got with Watts things really started to happen.
I first told Watts that I loved her sometime in July (I think). A month later I had the historic meeting with my editor at Doubleday. Coincidence?
So I quit the tangent (my Random House job) and hopped onto the path I came here to be on, sort of. Remember, I wanted to be a comics creator and I’ve turned into a novelist. But, as a friend of mine said recently, "sometimes you have to go away to get back home." I still aim to be a comics creator someday, and hopefully with a successful career as a novelist backing me I can make that happen. Honestly, I’d be happy doing either. I’ve always said that I was a ‘storyteller’ and I never wanted to be limited to one medium. And maybe writing books will allow me that freedom done the road.
The point is life isn’t like the movies. In a society raised on and by television and movies we sometimes forget that things don’t wrap up neatly in ninety minutes. My character arc has some of the elements of movies like The Secret of My Success, but a lot of it is nothing like any film. Ultimately you’re responsible for taking your story in the direction you want it to go in. And don’t expect it to all happen in six months.
From The Monkey House a/k/a Simon Wishing his character arc involved some soaking wet chicks in leather
The Random: Is it just me, or was the Birds of Prey premiere one of the most disjointed, awkward first episodes ever? I may not have read the comic in a couple years, but I remember it being one of my favorites. The TV show took a perfectly simple premise and made it unnecessarily complicated. Whatever happened to shows that just start? I don’t recall The A-Team having an origin episode. The whole premise was laid out in that opening voice over. Oh well, at least Shemar Moore didn’t show his abs…yet.
