Always one to pursue useless knowledge wherever he can find it in a seemingly never-ending quest to achieve the improbable and downright unlikely status of modern-day Renaissance man, Mark Bittmann has indulged his desire to never be lost in any conversation, by developing an arcane understanding of things of little consequence or import while maintaining his alleged status as a small fish in a small pond.
As long as his self-indulgent whim is catered to, he manages to sustain the facade of someone under the misperception that others care about what he thinks. With a ubiquity normally reserved for greenhouse gasses, he chases his random and inconsequential thoughts with all the tenacity of a banana peel. This is his life, his curse, and his twisted and maniacal way of impressing the ladies.
The limit of George Lucas’ greed seems as immeasurable as the ultimate declination of pi on a universe-wide scale with Earth as the determinate of the diameter. And if that made as little sense to you as myself (the concept of pi was pretty much Greek to me when I initially encountered it…Ok, so it still is, but for the purposes of the point of my observation, let’s just pretend I have a clue as to what I’m talking about – a stretch, I know) then what the hell are we supposed to make of Lucas charging rabid fans (one of which I am not) for the “privilege” of viewing a deleted scene from Episode II, behind the scenes footage, teaser imagery and whatnot on the fan site for the upcoming Star Wars movie, no doubt blessed with a title as silly as episodes I and II.
Is he high?
Just where did Lucas fall under the impression that the current state of the Star Wars franchise (and I use the term in the strictest business sense, seeing as how the series seems to be about making money) is worthy of charging a fee for a preview? Considering the movies ceased being worth analysis – unless one is analyzing just how much they suck – and are therefore only worth following as one views a train wreck, I believe it to be rather presumptuous of George “Scrooge” McLucas to ask for a stipend from fans who have had to put up with the utter crapola passed off as Star Wars films these last couple of years.
Is Universal charging to view the preview of the Hulk? No.
Did Sony charge for the previews of Spider-Man, even though it cost a mint to produce? No.
Now that Spider-Man is assured of being an ongoing and profitable franchise for Sony, will they go about charging for previews for the sequel. I highly doubt it. For that matter, does anyone out there recall ever paying for the privilege of viewing a preview or behind-the-scenes stuff? I don’t…and I’m not about to start either.
Why? Because big studios like Sony and Universal respect the fans enough to curry favor with them by treating them to as much pre-film cool stuff as possible in hopes they will go about spreading the faith with good old fashioned word-of-mouth. Lucas, on the other hand has a long history of ignoring what the fans want in his efforts to become ever more autonomously wealthy and therefore able to operate without any assistance from Hollywood beyond their distribution system. He can finance and make any film he wants as long as he has the money to do so.
Apparently, he cares not if it’s the fans who made him what he is that take it in the shorts in order to fatten his already considerable coffers. It’s not enough that every scene, character, set-piece and the hardware populating it is specifically designed to be reproduced as a toy, video game or other widget to license, manufacture and shove down the collective throats of fools who actually think collectibles manufactured specifically to be collected will put their offspring through college. (Hate to break it to them, but it’s rarity that makes a collectible and 500,000 untouched, carbonite-frozen, Han Solos in their original mint condition packaging in existence won’t see much of an appreciation, particularly when sales of Star Wars merchandise have plummeted like the quality of the movies themselves.) Nope, big George has to continually find ways to squeeze every last dollar from clueless fans (clueless in that they don’t know an awful movie when they see one and continue to hold hopes that Lucas has another decent Star Wars film in him, which he most certainly does not, if Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones are any indication…and they are) salivating at another opportunity to prove that they are the bigger geek, privy to the intimacies of the making of a Star Wars movie.
As I’ve noted before in this column, George Lucas abandons each generation of fans in favor of the next one, which is why, after Empire Strikes Back, each successive installment has been childish nonsense. Lucas needs to attract the kids to the movies because they’re, presumably, the ones that buy the toys (although he may want to go to the average sci-fi, comic book or Star Wars convention and re-think that notion) and all the other kiddie-oriented memorabilia. Since each generation is expendable, he need not worry about satisfying their desires of what they want out of the movies. Thus the stereotyped, insipid, despised waste of digital data that was Jar Jar was given a role in Episode II that would create a hole in the plot, were he to be edited out by the same student that made Phantom Menace into a better movie by simply deleting his ass from the goings-on and tightening up the narrative. Word has it, poor Georgie was royally pissed off that an amateur could cobble together a better Star Wars movie from the same footage than himself. So pissed, in fact, that apparently he felt it more important to spite the fans’ universal panning of the character than do something for the good of the series…like eliminating Jar Jar from any and all versions of the movie.
So, despite the fact that the studios distributing The Matrix and Lord of the Rings films (two franchises that, with each successive offering, make Star Wars look more and more like Battlefield Earth) don’t feel a need to have us contribute to their filthy lucre beyond the box office, video games and the odd collectible by charging for a mere glimpse at future chapters of their respective saga, Lucas still gets away with shameless displays of sheer greed.
How much money does he need? What? Skywalker Ranch, with it’s own bunkhouses, fire department and winery isn’t enough of a bid to unseat Charles Foster Kane as the most decadent exploiter of people’s desires? At least Kane made his bucks bringing the news to the masses, albeit his version of it (he was like Rupert Murdoch that way, only he didn’t act as political lapdog, as Murdoch does with President Cheney and Vice-President Bush).
As for Lucas? He squeezes his money from middle-class mom’s and dad’s, who can scarcely afford it nowadays and unsuspecting, occasionally washed geeks who’ve dared to leave the house long enough to hit the Star Wars aisle in Toys R’ Us so they can blow their hard-hacked money on one of the thousands of quality-free offerings from the licensing division of Lucasfilm. Nothing like the personal touch.
There isn’t an end in sight either. Sure, the final installment is due in a year, but that matters not to Lucas. To him, Star Wars is merely a commodity to be exploited and Star Wars crap will be manufactured well beyond the movies “completion”. I use quotes, because it is well known Mr. Picky still isn’t done rendering the original film completely devoid of its original charm. He claims he still doesn’t like Leia’s hair and, lets face it, after her hair and all the effects and God knows what other insignificant quibbles are finally dealt with, Episode IV will look like a movie with cutting-edge special effects and $1.98 sets. It probably isn’t a stretch to assume Lucas will have the sets digitally reconstructed like Leia’s hair. I’m certain he has his eye trained on inadequacies only he sees in Episodes V and VI as well, so look for them to be further needlessly re-touched. This way, he can keep re-releasing each film with each new, needless tweak.
The Star Wars franchise has now been placed on the third tier of my movie viewing scale. First tier films I see in the theater. Second tier means I rent the DVD. Third tier means I wait for it to be shown on cable, thus avoiding a forking over of a determined amount of money for the viewing.
