Confessions Of A Geek

By Mark Bittmann

Does anybody else out there, anybody who is into comic books, science fiction films, horror, Sci-Fi TV, anime and computer and console gaming occasionally find it difficult to explain to the average person why these interests spark something inside them? Do you ever find your audience at a loss as to just what it is you find so fascinating about this sort of escapism and looking at you like you’re a mutant escapee from a block-long line of lifeless wonders queuing up for a movie that doesn’t open for another several months? Do they begin to resemble a deer caught in proverbial headlights when you go about expressing, in minute and overly informed detail, why the latest offering from the arm of Hollywood that capitalizes on those who treat their alienation with regular doses of Alien Nation is so cool? Do lovers of Star Trek and the abysmal wastes of digital data that pass for Star Wars films these days venture out of their own sub-cultures in attempts at converting the great, washed masses to a life of cheesy, costumed exhibitionism and forgettable, pithy quotes, or must they adopt a more socially acceptable persona when daring to leave their network of similarly obsessed friends if they wish to continue to be understood anywhere outside of a convention center?

I was having lunch with my friend Tanya the other day and she asked if I had seen the latest installment in the Matrix movie franchise yet. I told her I hadn’t but was planning on it, even though the multiple Agent Smith’s look like video game characters and aren’t all that visually convincing. Turns out she enjoys the science fiction world of Los Bros. Wachowski and wanted to pick my brain a little. She then asked it I had heard of the Animatrix video that came out in tandem with the release of the movie. Naturally, being who I am, I began to explain to her that it was actually nine animated “featurettes” that elaborate further on the lore of the movies, expanding on the character’s backgrounds, backstories and overall mythology of the universe the movies were set in whilst telling a short story themselves. I told her that it’s the hardcore fans of the franchise that wish to be privy to every aspect of every motivation of every character in the movie series and that they enjoy having all of the pieces to the puzzle to ponder, debate and identify with.

She looked at me like I was a geek or something, and then it hit me: I am a geek.

Political handlers have long held to the notion that one of the best ways for people to extricate themselves from the uncomfortable position of acknowledging the kernel of truth to a nickname or derogatory slur on their character is to embrace it, have candidates make light of it themselves and thus take all the oomph! out of the comment. Being called a “geek”, isn’t exactly a handle one wants popularized, you know. When I look in the mirror and take stock of my busyish social calendar and many friends from all walks of life, the word geek doesn’t seem all that applicable to me. Then I walked into my den, see the boxes of comic books, limited edition statues, an Alex Ross print and a computer dedicated to EverQuest and all confidence in my own cool just flies out the window in a rush to escape association with the thirty-something, graying, single reader of the monthly adventures of The Amazing Spider-Man that has a deadline on his weekly internet column dedicated to all things geek.

Talk about a case of denial.
So, as my dissertation (sorry, Tanya) about how the Matrix video game and Animatrix anime expanded on my previously stated, obvious reasons for their existence, I came to a point in the conversation where, due to her further inquiries, I just came out and said that they basically do all this stuff for the geeks. Then in a confessional tone, I said they make all of this stuff for “us geeks…Screw it! I admit it…I’m a geek.” She actually found this to be funny and, if I’m not mistaken, endearing because of the tone in which I confessed. (One thing I’ve learned in life is you can say just about anything to anybody if you say it in the correct fashion). I don’t know if she was impressed that I was so willing to admit the obvious, or what. All I know is that she didn’t hold it against me and seemed in my further explanation of why folks like me want to know all there is to know about the things we geeks are passionate about.

See, I’m convinced that being a geek just doesn’t mean what it used to. “Geek” still conjures images of pocket protectors, slide rules and chess clubs. However the guy wearing the pocket protector and carrying the slide rule is now showing up to their chess club meetings by driving their Mazarati’s to Silicon Valley. “Geek” can now mean a whole lot more than some skinny guy with a piece of athletic tape holding together his horn-rimmed glasses. Where some may think “nerd” when they hear the word “geek”, these days the epithet conjures images of dollar signs and money, as Milton Berle once noted makes you more attractive. The proof is, as they say, in the pudding. How do I know? Easy…even Bill Gates gets laid. He even has a wife and kid or two. Do you think a geek like him, a grown man with marginal social skills that rocks back and forth when in deep thought, could get any leg (without directly paying for it anyway) if it weren’t for the fact that he has more money than God? Ok, so maybe there is someone for everybody, but don’t kid yourself; the fact that Bill Gates could buy up most island nations with pocket change has presented far more, shall we say…social opportunities than a similar-looking, technology challenged individual would otherwise receive. Big Bill may still have a social life even without his money, but his dance card wouldn’t exactly be a full one, if you know what I mean. Women wouldn’t find him nearly as fascinating and men wouldn’t treat him with respect. He’d be a lonely geek, looking for someone to play Risk with instead of the wealthiest man on the planet.

So there you go. I’ve come out of the closet and confessed to the world, in print, that I’m a geek. I will console myself with the knowledge that as long as cats like Bill Gates are around, bringing cache to what was once a maligning term, life isn’t so bad. I figure that as long as I’m able to wait until opening day or later to queue up for the latest comic book to film adaptation along with the laypeople and not wear apparel resembling the garb of Darth Vader, James Tiberius Kirk and other traditionally geek sub-cultural touchstones and stick with treating my geeky impulses and interests as being a preferred entertainment choice and not a fetish, I’ll be OK. Won’t be wearing Spock ears to work anytime soon, thank you. I know it’s a fine line to walk, but I believe it to be one that I will balance upon, now that the storytelling that traditionally interests geeks and other members of the stratum of the socially challenged is becoming more mainstream and universally acceptable. I may even be at an advantage in catching the wave of what’s cool, since movies that inspired the Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon have now made mainstream elements that the denizens of comic book and Star Trek conventions glommed on to years ago. And how, you may ask, will I know what will be the next thing to break out of the subculture, how will I predict that which I know will be next embraced by traditional audiences?

Easy…I’m a geek.



Copyright 2003 Mark A. Bittmann