Always one to pursue useless knowledge wherever he can find it in a seemingly never-ending quest to achieve the improbable and downright unlikely status of modern-day Renaissance man, Mark Bittmann has indulged his desire to never be lost in any conversation, by developing an arcane understanding of things of little consequence or import while maintaining his alleged status as a small fish in a small pond.
As long as his self-indulgent whim is catered to, he manages to sustain the facade of someone under the misperception that others care about what he thinks. With a ubiquity normally reserved for greenhouse gasses, he chases his random and inconsequential thoughts with all the tenacity of a banana peel. This is his life, his curse, and his twisted and maniacal way of impressing the ladies.
When I was a kid, Batman was what I saw on television. He was the cartoon character of the Super Friends and the silly crime-fighter of the Adam West live action fiasco that unfortunately remains the touchstone for multitudes to misinterpret the character by. That show left the wrong impression of the character on too many a viewer, but I managed to fix that by having a classic Neal Adams Ra’s Al-Ghul of issue of Detective Comics laid on me by my parents as something to read on the plane during a family vacation way back when. It was within those pages that I found out just how cool Batman was and how wonderful comic books were. I figured that, given he too was originally a comic book character, maybe I’d enjoy the Spider-Man comic books as much as I did the classic animated series. Although the cartoon’s primary Pop culture legacy remains its ubiquitous theme song, as far as I was concerned, it was Spidey 101. Though cheesy by today’s animation standards, the series was compelling enough for its time (particularly to a little kid) to keep my hyperactivity in check for a half hour and keep me interested enough in the character to want to become familiar with the source material.
Not so with some of the other comic book adaptations over the years. Although I’m sure my opinion of them is somewhat skewed because in the case of many of them, I was already familiar with the way the characters were portrayed in the original comic books. I had no use for Herbie the robot in the late 1970s Fantastic Four animated series. Their excuse for making this silliest of substitutions, as I recall, had to do with the Human Torch being difficult to animate, or something equally lame. Although I’m sure the fact that kids may become a little too inspired by the show raised fears that some impressionable viewer may set themselves on fire in the manner prescribed by Dan Ackroyd’s huckster Halloween costume salesman from Saturday Night Live. The costume he was selling, called “Johnny Human Torch” (or something like that) was a bag of oil-soaked rags and a Bic lighter. Although I personally am not averse to the many and varied societal benefits to be derived from a thinning the herd as a result of such an act being committed by one possessed of the stupidity required to employ such a costume in Halloween festivities, I’d be irresponsible if I endorsed emulating the youngest member of the FF in such a fashion. However, if one of the little bastards that won’t keep off my lawn feels inspired to strap on a makeshift cape, scramble on top of a roof and launch into an impersonation of Superman…let’s just say I may not do a whole lot to stop him.
Speaking of Super Friends; as a child, it was a lot of fun to watch and I used to wake up early to see it, but like the Batman, Superman and Aquaman hour that I also used to consume large of quantities of cereal to the imagery of, the older and more familiar I became with the comic book versions of the characters, the more embarrassed I became by such squeaky-clean representations of superheroes (not that DC comics back then were what one may refer to as gritty), Batman in particular. Reading the Dennis O’Neil/Neal Adams issues of Detective Comics showed me not only how Batman could be, but how he should be. Batman was not the smiling team player of Super Friends. He’s a rogue element with a cause and the desire to bend a city to his will. Obviously I outgrew the Super Friends, as most do. I even feel sentimental towards it nowadays and no longer feel the need to avenge their misrepresentation or make excuses for Wendy, Marvin and Wonderdog. I’ve given up lecturing others about how cartoons screw up the public perception of comic books. Probably because it’s the movies and TV live action interpretations that are the real culprits.
Cartoons are mostly intended for kids. TV and Movies are for everyone. It’s TV and movies that have the real advertising clout and societal influence to completely misrepresent a characterization on a massive scale, forever leaving viewers with the wrong impression of a character. Last I knew Spidey had two web-shooters and wore them on the inside of his gloves. Look at the old Nicholas Hammond starring live action series and you’ll see our Webbed Wonder sporting one bulky web-shooter worn on top of his glove and pinholes poked in what appears to be aluminum for the whites of his eyes. Stoked as I was to have my favorite hero in live action, the series was abysmal. Not a super-villain nor comic book derived love interest in sight. It too was embarrassing for me to watch and only recently have my retrospective feeling towards it stopped being expressed with an attendant rolling of my eyes and shake of my head. If nothing else, aging is good for lessening the importance of the ultimately trivial.
The first Superman movie, the Richard Donner one, was quite the exception to the rule (the Smallville years anyway – as soon as he gets to Metropolis, he becomes involved with a Lex Luthor and, unfortunately, his silly assistants NOT derived from the comic book and the audience is asked to endure that “can you read my mind” drivel that Lois thinks when Supes is trying to impress his way into her pants on a nighttime flight), because although he was basically some bozo flying around in brightly colored tights and a cape, he didn’t look like an escapee from a Bob Fosse dance troupe. The reason for our not giggling at the sight of him lay in the ability of an Pop Culture icon like Superman to suspend our disbelief to the point where a spandex-clad man with his underwear on the outside isn’t seen as the missing member of the Village People. He just wouldn’t be Superman without the costume. Comic book fans were lucky when Superman: The Movie came out and the origin of the Man of Steel was faithfully portrayed. Not so with Tim Burton’s Godawful Batman films. Too interested in imposing his (improper) vision on a character not in need of it, Burton turned Batman into a mere shadow of the Batman we comic book fans know. He made the Joker the killer of Bruce’s parents merely so their story would come full circle (never mind negating Batman’s drive for vengeance) and gave us a Batmobile with machine guns (how many times does Batman have to say that he hates guns before it is universally understood?). He has said in the comics that he will never resort to their use, it is out of character to say the least and disrespectful to lifelong fans of the character at most. Not to mention that Michael Keaton couldn’t have been more miscast. He just isn’t good-looking enough to play Bruce Wayne, or built enough to be Batman. In my opinion, there has never been a good Batman film, so here’s hoping Darren Aronofsky or Christopher Nolan (whomever makes the next installment) does it right.
We’ve been lucky lately. Spider-Man and Daredevil have both been relatively faithful interpretations as movies. The Hulk we’ve seen in the previews for Ang Lee’s upcoming adaptation looks like the bruiser we’ve imagined tossing tanks around in comics all these years and X2, with nearly twice the budget of the first installment of the franchise looks damned cool too. Maybe Hollywood will keep up the good work long enough for us to see some of the more obscure heroes and non-heroes faithfully adapted to the screen as well.
