Always one to pursue useless knowledge wherever he can find it in a seemingly never-ending quest to achieve the improbable and downright unlikely status of modern-day Renaissance man, Mark Bittmann has indulged his desire to never be lost in any conversation, by developing an arcane understanding of things of little consequence or import while maintaining his alleged status as a small fish in a small pond.
As long as his self-indulgent whim is catered to, he manages to sustain the facade of someone under the misperception that others care about what he thinks. With a ubiquity normally reserved for greenhouse gasses, he chases his random and inconsequential thoughts with all the tenacity of a banana peel. This is his life, his curse, and his twisted and maniacal way of impressing the ladies.
Could Wizard: The Comics Magazine be more of a joke than it already is?
I was checking out the latest issue and once again their content has been rendered irrelevant by the speediness of the Internet. The latest issue of Wizard reports on Geoff Johns’ Avengers run, which, as any comic book collector who relies on the Internet as their primary source of industry happenings (probably damn near all of us) already knows, is thankfully over. Isn’t it enough that his tame and backward-looking take on Earth’s Mightiest Heroes has been constantly touted by them as being something special, when it most certainly is not? Now their interview with him regarding his run in their current issue has been rendered irrelevant due to his signing an exclusive agreement with DC. Considering I quit reading his run after two issues specifically because it was too childish (read: too JSA) for my taste, I never really intended to read the article anyway, so I merely see it as a waste of print space. The problem lay in the fact that I’m beginning to wonder just what positive contribution they do make to the industry. The more I think about it, the more I see the answer being “very little”, aside from being ass-kissers supreme and purveyors of questionable opinion.
Their motivations are not as obvious as before. Back in the old days when they were in a struggle with rival publications like the now defunct Hero Illustrated to see which one could be more in bed with the founders of Image, going so far as giving the worst writer in comic book history, Todd McFarlane, his own short-lived column in an effort to secure his allegiance. They also took it upon themselves to consistently hype whatever semi-literate comic book with a #1 was being offered by (insert fledgling comic book company or “hot” artist here) on any given month, regardless of whether or not it was worthy of the paper it was printed on. It was a pathetic display of bandwagon courtship that, over the years, Wizard has elevated to an art form. Every time Rob Liefeld didn’t publish something or had to form a new imprint to remove his guilt by association with the flaky and low quality output of Extreme Studios, Wizard made sure to tell us how we should all be ecstatic about his return with a “bold, new style”, even though his “art” got nothing but worse with each publication. Nowadays, they are a little more subtle, but just as committed to their agenda as before. The only difference being that their artist-to-get-in-bed-with of choice is now Michael Turner. Maybe they don’t see him abandoning his craft to fill plastic injection molds anytime soon, I don’t know. One thing they have made clear is that in the current state of comic books, we are supposed to believe that they have opinions of influence and something relevant to offer the ongoing discussion of the art form. I think not, because lately they have coming up short in hyping that which is truly going to be a smash, falling prey to both political correctness and downright poor taste.
I mean, these pinheads actually expect me to acknowledge John Ney Rieber’s stint on Captain America as the best comic book of 2002? Are they high? I can scarcely recall reading a more pretentious, tedious and preachy superhero comic book in recent memory. What drivel. I will go on record stating that John Cassaday may very well be as close to a definitive artist as has ever taken on the Sentinel of Liberty and I look forward to his pages with anticipation whenever he is on the book. However, it seems that by letting Rieber’s services go, Marvel agreed with me that a comic book so devoid in exposition (to the tune of being able to read it in about five minutes every month) and lacking in a compelling plot need not carry the Captain America banner. Maybe that’s why the last couple of issues were scripted from Rieber’s plot by current Marvel go-to-guy Chuck Austen. Austen has once again picked up the ball and scored. His Captain America is shaping up to be the committed soldier we expect, only not as blind in his allegiance to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the U.S. government as he once was. Whether he will stay on as writer in residence is unclear at this point.
Maybe I’m getting lucky, but so far Marvel’s taste seems to align with my own on a fairly regular basis. I couldn’t stomach Joe Casey’s Uncanny X-Men, as he had me confused with someone who hasn’t acknowledged how incredibly lame Chamber is as a character and seemed to be under the impression that I cotton to shameless adolescent pandering by inserting a Britney Spears wannabe into the plotline. What am I…13? This from the guy who wrote Children of the Atom? In addition to the good fortune of his removal from the title (in between blaming the fans for not understanding what he was going for, he now claims he wishes he’d left the title earlier, echoing the sentiments of many) mere months after I dumped it, Captain America and Avengers from my reading list, Marvel replaced the source of my problems with each publication post haste. Paul Jenkins doesn’t seem to have much to do with Spider-Man in the coming months as well, so maybe there is a God after all. All the creators whose storytelling sensibilities I have disagreed with have been removed from the titles I don’t think they belong on…and how cool is that? Yep, I am one lucky reader.
In the case of nearly all of the above titles, Wizard would have us believe they were all to be relished and awaited with great anticipation every month. One would think they’d grow tired of having their opinions negated on a regular basis. Unfortunately Gareb Shameless seems to think that making comic books into a speculator market once again, as evidenced by their consistent touting of CGC graded comic books, is a good idea. The decline in comic book sales of the last few years must have made a dent in the distribution of Wizard, or why else would someone who claims to care about comic books encourage the resurgence of the speculator market, the very market that nearly caused the demise of the mainstream comic book industry? In his world of alternate covers, 10.0 graded books and other tricks of moving marginal product to get speculators on the comic book bandwagon once again, Shamus has, like so many, forgotten what is important on the way to making a buck.
Once again, and this time with feeling: It’s the storytelling damn it…for the last time. Yes comic book creators and companies have to make a decent living, but that doesn’t mean turning one’s back on why we love comic books in the first place. I still read comic books for the storytelling, not because some tasteless idiot at Wizard tells me I should like something for all the wrong reasons and I’m not about to buy anything on their recommendation because they have zero credibility. They are a kiddie comic book publication, replete with adolescent bathroom humor and facile reviews to go along with their need to push derivative and empty-headed nonsense more suited to the bottom of a hamster cage than a spinner rack. Maybe someday they will grow up and have something relevant to say about comic books…but I doubt it.
