Always one to pursue useless knowledge wherever he can find it in a seemingly never-ending quest to achieve the improbable and downright unlikely status of modern-day Renaissance man, Mark Bittmann has indulged his desire to never be lost in any conversation, by developing an arcane understanding of things of little consequence or import while maintaining his alleged status as a small fish in a small pond.
As long as his self-indulgent whim is catered to, he manages to sustain the facade of someone under the misperception that others care about what he thinks. With a ubiquity normally reserved for greenhouse gasses, he chases his random and inconsequential thoughts with all the tenacity of a banana peel. This is his life, his curse, and his twisted and maniacal way of impressing the ladies.
The mouth that roars is silenced. You, the would be dictator of public opinion who sports an abrasive Napoleonic complex second only in size to Ross Perot's have once again been waylaid on the path to moving and shaking the world once again by your arch nemesis. It's not the first time it's happened and it likely won't be the last, considering his propensity for foregoing the wait until you stick your foot in your mouth. It's as though he hasn't any patience at all for your opinions and cannot wait to personally issue his rebuttal as soon as the opportunity presents itself. True, he is more resourceful than the average bear and doesn't find it particularly difficult to gain access to you wherever you currently are residing. He can find you at work. He knows where you live and seems to revel in the notion of sticking it to you in his own special manner at the drop of a hat, ignoring the law within the Constitution of the United States of America which states that you too are entitled to your opinion, no matter how knee-jerk, inaccurate or offensive he may find it.
No one within earshot will be able to hear you rant and rave about your predicament anytime soon, so here you are, literally and figuratively unable to ask for help, for escaping your bonds is pretty much off the table as an option. Not to mention the fact that you'll be damned if you will expose yourself and your circumstances (currently NOT on the top 10 list of positions you'd prefer to be photographed in) to your underlings, for fear of their ridicule and the probable mocking of your plight behind your back and on your payroll. No one need suffer such an embarrassment, especially you.
Why is it no one else whose opinion you respect will get on board your bandwagon and publicly agree with you? How come you always feel like all of your efforts towards making this city a better place for all to live go not only unheeded, but apparently unheard as well, considering its more respected denizens in positions of power and public influence have yet to listen to, and act upon, anything you say? What's happened to the power once held by your predecessors and peers (the handful you will admit to anyway) that no one seems willing to take the slightest chance at taking your advice to heart and stifling him and the error of his ways for good. How difficult could such a task be? It isn't as if there aren't plenty of capable individuals to be found. The problem appears to lay in the lack of commitment to the betterment of this city by those who purport to have its best interest at heart and have sworn themselves to take care of it. It's as if no one shares your views of the obvious and that despite your best efforts, they never will come to realize what you have - that this city would be better off without the free reign granted to certain individuals and enforced by no one. Then again, maybe you've known this all along and have grown to enjoy the challenge, whether or not you find yourself in compromising positions. Or maybe there's a deeper reason for your constant grinding of this particular axe.
You never really even gave him a chance did you? You never cut him any slack whatsoever, or give his actions the benefit of the doubt, did you? Why? There are others like him residing here and you don't seem to view them with same contempt. Fact is, there are entire leagues of other so-called heroes whose very presence in this city seems to invite trouble…and not just the average crackpots looking to overthrow the planet and embark on a mission of world domination either. Yet it t is rare that you have a problem with the actions they participate in and inspire in those of ill repute, despite the heightened level of destruction their presence alone appears to invite. So what makes them more acceptable than he? What is it about him that you find so untrustworthy and deserving of your contempt? Is it the admiration of others that you find yourself unable to stifle that sets your teeth on edge whenever you hear his name? Is it the fact that he has yet to be intimidated by your best efforts at destroying his reputation and has let you know that you are no more than an annoyance to him and that he's going to continue his lifestyle whether you like it or not.
There was a time when you were more honest with yourself in your feeling regarding his hold over your best rational sense, wasn't there? You remember it don't you? It was a day not unlike many since, except you had not yet surrendered to steadfast righteous indignation and tossed away all related rational thought you may have once held in this matter. You felt defeated. You were at a loss as to explain, even to yourself, just what it was that drives you to condemn him so. At a loss, that is, until in a moment of self-honesty when, with a helpless look of a desperate man faced with his own shortcomings, you admitted to yourself that you're jealous of him. Since then you have lived a life of denial in the wake of this epiphany you have since dismissed and denied as a moment of weakness of character. You have since channeled all your considerable resources and waning influence towards once again discrediting him…and you haven't paused for similar introspection since. Is it any wonder you are generally viewed by your staff and the public as a crackpot who has summarily jettisoned the objectivity that made your name synonymous with public opinion once upon a time? You hate him for that, don't you? You hate the fact that he is still looked upon with awe and wonder and you find yourself viewed as someone who is a slave to an obsession. Worse, you still look at him with awe and wonder as well…and you hate yourself for it.
There's only one solution to your problem, isn't there? It's time to redouble your efforts towards swaying opinion in your favor once again. Time to dust off that rolodex and see if maybe you can get a little professional help. Maybe Luke Cage or yet another scientist of questionable motives and destructive tendencies will help you for the right price. It'll come to you. There's plenty of time. You'll have another epiphany and come up with another master plan for dealing with him starting with a blistering editorial slipped in the Op/Ed section when Robbie isn't looking. Then you'll summon your resources and call in the necessary means to execute it…just as soon as this damn webbing dissolves and you can open your mouth again.
