Always one to pursue useless knowledge wherever he can find it in a seemingly never-ending quest to achieve the improbable and downright unlikely status of modern-day Renaissance man, Mark Bittmann has indulged his desire to never be lost in any conversation, by developing an arcane understanding of things of little consequence or import while maintaining his alleged status as a small fish in a small pond.
As long as his self-indulgent whim is catered to, he manages to sustain the facade of someone under the misperception that others care about what he thinks. With a ubiquity normally reserved for greenhouse gasses, he chases his random and inconsequential thoughts with all the tenacity of a banana peel. This is his life, his curse, and his twisted and maniacal way of impressing the ladies.
Steven Spielberg once said that after it became apparent to Universal Studios that Jaws was not just another fish in the sea of film offerings in the summer of 1975, they offered him the opportunity to direct anything he wanted. His response was that he wanted to do a James Bond film. They countered along the lines of “anything but that”. This was a case of a missed opportunity the likes of which was not replicated until Mars Candy Co. said no to having a certain accordion-necked alien follow a trail of their candy to adventure in another offering by Mr. Spielberg. Considering the latter film went on to become the highest box office-grossing film up to that point in cinematic history, a position once held by Jaws, it is wholly apparent a marketing tie-in opportunity in a Dreamworks picture the likes of these will not be missed again. It’s gotten to the point where being clubbed over the head by product placements has replaced the subtle touch of, say, the Cheerios on the kitchen table in Superman: The Movie.
I was watching Mimi Leder’s The Peacemaker (a Dreamworks production) one night on HBO and there is a scene where Nicole Kidman and George Clooney find themselves between action set pieces and take time to assess what they think is going on (as much for the viewer’s benefit as their characters’ own). In a moment of cinematic absurdity we are asked not to blanch in distaste as the obnoxious sound of “you’ve got mail” emanating from her laptop, the laptop of an operative of the United States government with top level national security clearance (a laptop that presumably hasn’t since “disappeared”, like it’s real-life counterparts) is explained away as her transferring of Top Secret files from her AOL account. Frankly I cannot recall another movie careering to a halt and making me feel as if I’ve been extracted out of its created reality as Peacemaker did at that moment. It was intrusive, blatant and unimaginably silly in both a cinematic and marketing sense. I can see Donald Rumsfeld now, sending the draft of a Middle Eastern Theater engagement projection through America Online. By the time he gets connected, the air campaign will have already ceded the offensive to the ground troops. So evidently there is such a thing as a measure of plausibility that goes along with product placement. Not that slapping a Mitsubishi label on the satellite dish shoved up Cartman’s ass by aliens once upon an episode of South Park wouldn’t compliment the already hysterical proceedings. Something tells me Parker and Stone didn’t ask Mitsubishi but I think they should have. Clever product placement in a series destined to live on in DVD compilations and Comedy Central reruns and viewed by one generation after another is a solid marketing angle. No one ever said advertising had to be pretty.
With too small and specialized a target audience along with distribution numbering on average well less than 100,000 units per issue, comic books are doomed to full page ads interrupting the story and often the narrative flow like paper commercials. Were they to rely merely on product placement within the panels, products placed in the story would likely be overlooked by the reader as just another detail in the art. That’s not to say that a full page ad couldn’t be replaced with a few in-story ads carrying the additional advertiser appeal of direct endorsement by the characters. Although a little informed discretion in whom a sponsor selects to cast their approval of a product is wise. Sponsorship by the likes of the Punisher may cast an unsavory light on any product placed in one of his tales, much less the ones that would lend to his pathos. Frank Castle for Viagra: “When I’m too tired from heating up the barrel of a Colt .45 to fire off a few rounds between the sheets, I take a Viagra.”
So advertisers probably aren’t going to want to go there. But maybe Spide-Man can begin sporting a Jockey tag on the rear waistline of his crime-fighting togs. What the hell, he’s already been spotted hawking Underoos to prepubescent children featured wearing them in the pages of 1970’s Marvel Comics and prancing around on television. Sort of a super-power influenced Ralph Lauren ad by all retrospective appearances. Might want to be careful how we market such clothing items in the future. The last thing comics need is yet another ambiguous pedophile in their superhero ranks. That’s sooooo over. Maybe Namor can be sponsored by Speedo or the Human Torch by Bic. Under his current contract, Tiger Woods stands to make upwards of 90 million dollars from Nike for playing their equipment and wearing their gear so it makes sense that at least the fashion conscious members of X-Statix would run around with swoosh stripes on their breast, given the national media coverage they garner.
Superheroes have been used as product inspiration as well as product endorsement for decades. So maybe it isn’t such a stretch in the imagination to picture Wolverine downing a Budweiser whilst wearing a Levi’s jacket and riding a Harley-Davidson. Beer, jeans and motorcycles are native to his character anyway, so as long as we don’t see the word Ginsu etched into his claws or a bottle of Revlon Mousse next to his sink, I think the proper atmosphere of the character will be sustained. Although he needn’t always appear to be a walking Canadian ad for such Americana, like any accoutrement, these have their place in his life and could be cleverly an unobtrusively placed in the occasional panel. Likewise, Quicksilver and Flash must go through sneakers like Luke Cage goes through condoms, so sponsorship of their feet is an obvious opportunity not to be passed up by the world’s largest employer of youthful, 13-cent-an-hour cobblers.
As long as they are subtle about it and hook up the right character with the right product to endorse (“I’m Daredevil for LensCrafters”), comics could do worse than to capitalize on the lucrative cost-offsetting marketing sensation known as product placement, already put to much misuse by the motion picture industry and ready to infiltrate the next storytelling medium with its cancer at first opportunity. There may come a day when instead of being a natural walking advertisement for the American Psychological Association, Batman may advertise in a more direct manner and begin sporting an Adidas tread on his boots or looking to lease a Volvo with fins. Let’s hope not. After all, Batman is rich, wealthy and an American…he should have a Mercedes.
