By Beau Smith
 Firestarter   If you’re reading this column then you probably surf most of the comic book news sites. You’ve probably read about the latest batch of "flash fires" that have popped up in comics as of late. I’m talking about Mary Jane Comiquette statue from Sideshow Collectibles designed by artist Adam Hughes and the Heroes For Hire #13 cover from Marvel Comics. In the case of the Mary Jane statue...there is no case. This is no more sexist that any cover with Superman, Batman, Captain America (Most any male super hero of your choice) standing on the cover with his muscles all flexed and nearly busting out of his spandex. As a male do I feel inferior, depressed or of low self esteem because I’m not built like they are? Nope. Did I feel that way as a kid/teenager? Nope. Did I wanna be built like that? Sure. Did I ever think I would be? Nope. That’s because I knew the difference between fact and fiction.  I grew up in some very politically incorrect times, but thanks to good parenting and regular common sense I knew reality from fantasy. It ain’t that hard because I’m no mastermind. Why is it that no one really raises any kind of fuss because all super hero males are built like greek Gods? People whine and complain about Lois Lane being built like a Barbie Doll, but they say nothing about Superman being built like an Adonis. Why do people mark cheescake off the menu and leave the beefcake? It’s fantasy and make believe…there’s room on the menus for both. Let’s be honest. If you pay money to go to a boxing match odds are you’re gonna see some violence. Same with super hero comics, if you buy one you can expect to see perfectly built men and women. You’re gonna see violence and if the writers are really good you’re gonna see good vs evil with good winning. At $125.00 a pop, I don’t wanna hear how it will promote low self-esteem to kids and women. They’re not gonna buy it anyway. Hell, for that price, it’s a tough sell for the targeted buyer. Enough about the statue. It’s just another case of too many people with too much time on the internet. If you don’t like the statue, don’t buy it. Then we have the next time waster. Heroes For Hire #13 cover. Talk about reading between the lines. Some folks out there have put the lines under a microscope that NASA would love to own. I’m a full grown man, way past 21. I’ve seen a lot and I’ve done a lot, but even I had never heard about all the fetish and kinky stuff that jumped in everybody’s mind when they saw the cover to this issue. My first thoughts were that it reminded me of the pulp covers that were so popular from the 40’s through the 70’s that were featured with Doc Savage, The Shadow, Tarzan, Flash Gordon and many others. I just figured it was another homage thing. If there were any kids reading comics I doubt if those thoughts of penciled and ink perversion would have jumped into their heads when they saw the cover. Then again, if there were any kids reading comics they sure would get a crash course on the kinky stuff if they read about it on the comic news sites. There as a can of unopened worms (or tentacles) sitting there that would have remained unopened if a bunch of adults hadn’t rushed to open them with a can opener. If a kid sees a baseball bat they think of hitting a baseball for a home run. If an adult with too much time on their hands and an over active imagination sees it they see a burly trapper clubbing baby seals. Pick and chose your battles. In my opinion this is the kind of stuff that puts the day to day lives of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears in the headlines of the front page and shoves real news to the back. The only reason these things are seen as “hot” issues is because drama addicted people are throwing gas on an ember. Time is valuable. I’d like to see us all invest it a little more wisely. Busted Knuckles Manly Cover Of The Week   My Greatest Adventure Issues #4 and #36 DC Comics As a kid I was always mesmerized by the coming attraction ads for MY GREATEST ADVENTURE from DC Comics. Every month the cover, story and adventure got more fantastic. With all the great mind bending story titles I always put money away to buy these issues. I would’ve loved to have heard the plotting sessions between editors and creators on this comic book. It had to have been like letting your imagination run naked through Eden without end. Just check out the stories that were in issue #4. Who wouldn’t wanna read those stories? These two issues barely scrape the surface of what DC Comics did in this book. When asked what I would like to write if given a choice, MY GREATEST ADVENTURE is always on my list. Check em’ out sometime and see what I mean. Busted Knuckles Babe Of The Week   Adrianna Costa Entertainment Reporter A buddy of mine told me I should watch the new TV show ON THE LOT. I heard it was a reality show, I’m not fond of reality TV at all, but since he said it dealt with the creative process of film making I figured I’d give it a try. The show itself was a waste of my time. Too much of the standard trailer trash reality mentality, but the host, Adrianna Costa, gave me reason to stick around. She’s a real dark haired beauty that’s built the way people on the internet with too much time on their hands like to complain about. She’s almost enough to make me watch one of those terrible Entertainment Tonight/ShowBiz Today kinda shows….almost. After a couple of minutes I remembered here from doing stuff on CNN Headline News with another news beauty, Robin Meade. Anyway, keep your eyes out for Adrianna.  The Roundup I don’t know about your neck of the woods, but it’s been 12 days without rain and really hot here at the ranch. Hit around 90 degrees here today and as bright as the Arizona sun. I’ve been keeping the central air here at the ranch going full throttle. I swear there might be ice on my windows. Hopefully we’ll see some cooler temps real soon. In the last couple of columns I kept y’all up to date on the discussion my son, Nick and I have had on our gas guzzling SUV’s. His FJ Cruiser vs. My Land Rover Discovery. Well, there’s been a change on the score card.   Last Saturday I had a guy come down from Columbus Ohio. He fell in love with my Land Rover and made me a really nice offer. I took him up on it and he drove away happy. Next day I bought myself a cherry 1994 Toyota Club Cab 4X4 truck. It was a one owner and looked like it just rolled off the showroom floor, both inside and out. It’s got everything I was looking for , V6, automatic, air, crusie, tilt, AM/FM/CD, new tires, extended cab and all the service records. It’s black and shines like Darth Vader’s helmet after a stormtrooper spit shine. Needless to say, in these high gas price times, I’m doing a little better with miles per gallon. Thought ya’ll might like to see a couple of photos of my new “Truck Of Testosterone”. Plenty of room in the back for surfboards, beer and other manly stuff. Look for me on your street real soon. Your amigo, Beau Smith The Flying Fist Ranch P.O. Box 706 Ceredo, WV. 25507 www.flyingfistranch.com |
This is and always has been an opinion column. My opinion. That’s why I write it. I’ve been doing these kinds of columns for 20 years. I guess I have a lot of opinions on a lot of things.