Beau Ho! HO! 2005

By Beau Smith

December is my favorite month out of the year. The week before Christmas is my favorite week of the year. It all starts on the 17th of December (my birthday) and the party doesn’t end until January 1st.

Like you, I’ve been busy with trying to get it all done so that I can enjoy the Christmas season in manly style. It’s been cold here and we’ve had some snow to set the mood for the fat man to bust into the house when you’re asleep or just passed out.

I’ve already been given some pretty nice gifts this year. My power-mad mom (Doctor Doom pales compared to my mom) survived four months in hospitals this year and is back on her own taking care of business. They didn’t think she would make it through that big ass operation, but she did. She’s a Smith!

Beau and his Saintly Mother

She now has a new weapon—The Oxygen Tank. It’s this little metal thing she hauls around to breathe with. She’s already used it to clobber me, the carry out boy at the store as well as threaten most anyone that has pissed her off. Hell, I’m glad she don’t have to use a cane. I can see her swingin’ that thing like a ninja gone bad.

I’ve had a lot of really good friends back me up this year when things were kinda crummy. Some of these friends are long time buds and others are new amigos that backed me when I needed it. Always be thankful for your friends. Family has to help and back ya. Friends choose to do so.

I’m pretty thankful that my Chicago Bears have surprised everyone, including me with their stellar year. Granted, the season ain’t over yet, but they have already made me really happy. If your favorite team has been knocked out of the race already then I would greatly appreciate and welcome ya to join me in rootin’ the Bears on to the divisional title, play offs and possible Super Bowl.


The Chicago Bears Get Nasty!

I wanna thank all of you knuckleheads that have stuck with me and brought more members on. Each week the ranks grow. That’s pretty good for not being a gossip column. I appreciate it and thank you from the bottom of my pork rind clogged heart.


Beau Facing The Elements on Christmas Eve

My plans for Christmas Eve are to get in that big ol’ gas guzzlin’ Land Rover of mine and deliver a few gifts that need the personal touch. I’ll take that big tank through the snow and wind and make like a manly Santa Claus. Instead of milk and cookies there will be beer and Chili Cheese Fritos waiting for me. Ya never know, I might stop by your house. If your security system goes off then you’ll know it’s me. If your wife or girlfriend smiles a whole lot then you’ll really know it’s me.

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Busted Knuckles Manly Comic Book Cover Of The Week

Since it’s Christmas I’m gonna make sure you get double the manly comic book covers. That’s right you get TWO manly covers this week. Both are near and dear to my testosterone pumpin’ heart because they are from the era when Marvel Comics’ Sub-Mariner was a real man.

The Sub-Mariner #5
Marvel/Atlas Comics 1942

Check this cover out. The Sub-Mariner at his manly best thumpin’ the snot out of the attacking Japanese. Notice him giving the one attacking Jap a little chin music as he machine guns the planes into flames.


Sub-Mariner #5 "I don't think I'm turning Japanese."

When was the last time you saw ol Namor this manly? Well, it hasn’t been in the last 10 years unless you’re looking at a reprint. The Sub-Mariner has been one of the most under- and poorly- used Marvel icons for many years. It seems that nobody knows how to write this guy, other than me and my chance WILL come. In the last few years Namor has been shown as an almost Nancy-Boy. They draw him like he was light in the ankle wings and have him weighing about 130 pounds. I’m waiting for that psycho Tiger Shark to come kick sand in his face.

If you ever get the chance you gotta read the Golden Age Sub-Mariner stories by Bill Everett. These stories not only kicked ass, but they looked good too. It’s your chance to see The Sub-Mariner the way he is supposed to be.

The Sub-Mariner #28
Marvel/Atlas Comics Oct. 1948

This one has it all. Namor passing out fried fish knuckle sandwiches to a bunch of thugs on the New York docks while the leggy Namora keeps a score card on how many heads Namor has busted.


Sub-Mariner #28 "Dope-Slappin' On The Docks."

What happened to Namora? Somebody get this babe back in action!

Do you think the “Little Marys” at Marvel would do a cover this manly now, let alone the Sub-Mariner? Nope. The House Of M don’t stand for Manly.

During the 50s Namor was the ultimate lady’s man. He was always with a different hottie and he sported the best clothes of any super hero. I’m not talking about his green speedos, I’m talking about the suits and stuff he wore. His dialogue was different then as well. He talked like a tough guy and was never short of a wise crack or two.

I think Marvel might be afraid to reprint this stuff because it would put what they’ve been doing to shame. You guys would like it and buy it and that would hurt their feelings as well.

When I rule comics it’ll be a different world.

Oh, and make sure you stop by Chuck Dixon’s website to see his sub-par attempt to put up cover more manly than mine. http://www.dixonverse.net

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Busted Knuckles Babe Of The Week

While I’m in the holiday mood I’m also gonna double your Busted Knuckles Babe of The Week. That’s right, count em’, TWO babes this week from Santa Beau.

No… wait a minute. Why stop at two? It’s Christmas. I’m gonna reach into my bag of babes and come up with a third!!

Last week’s Babe was such a huge hit that I have brought her back for an encore. I had a lot of Knuckleheads write in and sing of their manly lust for her. Knucklehead Jim was good enough to find out her name. It’s Marzia Prince. She is a hottie from down Texas way. Jim also provided me with this shot of her that I will now share with you.


Back By Popular Demand-Marzia Prince

The second babe this week appealed to my love for cowgirls. This one fits the bill. I don’t her name, but then I’ve come across that problem late in a bar before. I wouldn’t doubt if one of you knuckleheads know her name. If so, share it with the rest of us. For right now I’ll just call her “Could Be Wynonna Earp”.


"Could Be Wynonna Earp."

It wouldn’t be Christmas without me sharing this photo of my Santa Beau helper that works for me here at the Flying Fist Ranch. As you can see, she is wearing the official Santa Beau’s Helper outfit that is mandatory here at the ranch. I think she fills it out rather well.


The Only Kind Of Elf Beau Likes

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The Manly Signs of Christmas

Since this week is my “Christmas Special” (kinda like The Osmonds Christmas Special, only manly) I dug up some manly photos/art of Christmas for you fellas to enjoy.

I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

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Merry Christmas From The Flying Fist Ranch.


Santa Beau Delivering His Gift To British and Hollywood Writers In Comics



Santa Claus-Cowboy Style


A Manly Christmas


Brandy At Christmas By Frank Cho

Amigos, I wanna thank you again for making Busted Knuckles your manly place to hang out this Christmas. I appreciate all of ya stopping by this year and hope you come back for more of my goofy ways in 2006.

This Christmas Eve I will put another log on the fire (a log I chopped, of course) and I will haul out a cold one (alright, maybe more than one) and I will gaze at my manly Christmas tree and toast one to all of you.

Take care of your family and friends as well as yourself. Try to make a difference in some sorta manly way. You’ll benefit from it as well as others. That’s always a good thing. Keep supporting comic books. The top ten comic sell okay, but the rest really need your help.

Let the publishers know what you want. Don’t just take what they feel like serving ya. Make your voice heard. I mean that. This internet thing makes everybody’s voice a little louder. I see no sense in wasting it.

Keep those emails and letter coming in. I read em’ all and try to answer all of em’.

I’ve got one more thing to say…


Merry Christmas from the Flying Fist Ranch!

Your amigo,

Beau Smith
The Flying Fist Ranch
P.O. Box 706
Ceredo, WV. 25507
http://www.flyingfistranch.com

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Prove your manhood by visiting Beau at the Flying Fist Forum!

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